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By Lulu Jeh | February 10th, 2020

Dear Lulu Jeh: I met someone I really like, only to find out they’re married. However, the catch is that they’re in an open marriage. Is it morally wrong to get involved in a situation like this? If things get serious, for example, how can we take it to the next level, and how can I introduce them to my family? — No Strings Attached?

Dear NSA: First of all, please establish the nature of this relationship before you go forward. Is this relationship something fun for you, are you having a good time and not worried too much about the long term? If so and if all parties involved are good to go and exactly on the same page (i.e. the open relationship is not something that your partner just dreamed up), you might not need to worry about the long term at all and you definitely have nothing moral or immoral to consider. All of you are adults and can live the lives that you choose. 

But if fun is not the only thing you’re striving for in this relationship, then you need to decide whether you’re fine with being committed to someone who on paper is committed to someone else, in the long term. Will you be one to look for more loyalty from your partner down the road? Are you okay with the fact that someone else will always be number one — or you’ll both be number ones, in the best case scenario — in this open relationship? Will your partner be open to you yourself having an open relationship, if that’s something you want to pursue in the future? 

It’s best to talk things through or maybe even write things down to make sure some boundaries are set and rules are laid down, before you two move ahead with the relationship. The agreeing to go forward is the easy part, in my opinion. 

TLDR: You need to talk to your potential partner as well as have a real think about what it is you want.

Have a question for Lulu Jeh? Write to letters@theloophk.com for some anonymous dating advice.
Want more dating advice? Read more of Lulu Jeh’s sage advice.

  • By Lulu Jeh | February 10th, 2020

    Dear Lulu Jeh: I met someone I really like, only to find out they’re married. However, the catch is that they’re in an open marriage. Is it morally wrong to get involved in a situation like this? If things get serious, for example, how can we take it to the next level, and how can I introduce them to my family? — No Strings Attached?

    Dear NSA: First of all, please establish the nature of this relationship before you go forward. Is this relationship something fun for you, are you having a good time and not worried too much about the long term? If so and if all parties involved are good to go and exactly on the same page (i.e. the open relationship is not something that your partner just dreamed up), you might not need to worry about the long term at all and you definitely have nothing moral or immoral to consider. All of you are adults and can live the lives that you choose. 

    But if fun is not the only thing you’re striving for in this relationship, then you need to decide whether you’re fine with being committed to someone who on paper is committed to someone else, in the long term. Will you be one to look for more loyalty from your partner down the road? Are you okay with the fact that someone else will always be number one — or you’ll both be number ones, in the best case scenario — in this open relationship? Will your partner be open to you yourself having an open relationship, if that’s something you want to pursue in the future? 

    It’s best to talk things through or maybe even write things down to make sure some boundaries are set and rules are laid down, before you two move ahead with the relationship. The agreeing to go forward is the easy part, in my opinion. 

    TLDR: You need to talk to your potential partner as well as have a real think about what it is you want.

    Have a question for Lulu Jeh? Write to letters@theloophk.com for some anonymous dating advice.
    Want more dating advice? Read more of Lulu Jeh’s sage advice.