From our Hot Seat series.
Sara Tang first founded sex toy party business, Passionately Yours, in 2011. More than merely selling sex toys, the “pleasure education” parties also equipped participants with the information and attitude that would enable them to bring more passion and inspiration to their sex lives. Tang might have shut the doors on that project in 2015, but her resolve to bring sex-positive resources to Hong Kong remained strong. After conversing with her friend Jye Smith about launching a pleasure coaching program, he suggested a podcast instead, and the Better in Bed podcast was born.
A Little Background
Before coming to Hong Kong, Tang grew up in Singapore, where she had a religious upbringing and where she experienced inadequate sex education based around abstinence and fear. This led to her vision of sex education that’s centered around clear information and, of course, fun.
5 Things You Should Know, according to Sara Tang:
1. Just talk about it
People who talk about sex have better sex! It’s the best way to deepen intimacy and your connection with someone else. Being able to articulate what turns you on, what you find sexy in the other person, what you’d love to explore sexually together or even what your boundaries may be, are so important in ensuring that you get maximum pleasure from every sexual encounter.
2. You’re not weird
3. At a loss for words
I find that there isn’t a good understanding of the sexual anatomy among Hongkongers, especially in women. There also exists this idea that being able to bring pleasure to oneself by exploring one’s own body is shameful. My theory is that it goes back to not having the right Cantonese vocabulary for these sexual body parts from a young age. The Cantonese words for genitals are either really cutesy or vulgar.
4. Chill out
Hongkongers don’t appreciate how beneficial sex can be in their lives, physically or emotionally. Perhaps its the stress or long hours, but I’ve met quite a few who just don’t see it as important and are happy to go without it for long periods.
5. Open up
The most popular topic we’ve had so far on the podcast is episode six, “Opening up to open relationships”. I think it’s because it’s somewhat controversial. It generated a lot of dialogue. Some people flat out don’t think open relationships work, some people like the idea but think it’s too hard to put into practice. Others think being open is absolutely necessary to avoid infidelity in long-term relationships.
Looking towards the future?
I’d love to build up a pleasure coaching program as there’s a huge need for it in Asia. I’m also thinking of doing further study in sexual health and wellness starting next year. The podcast keeps growing and I’m constantly on the lookout for interesting guests, and maybe even some nice sponsors soon. Ultimately, I’d love to shift the conversation on sexuality in Hong Kong — moving it from shame to celebration, and also to be more inclusive of diverse sexual viewpoints. And I’d like to do it in a way that is accessible, classy and fun!