Oh, Lan Kwai Fong. No matter how often we insist we’re going to go drinking somewhere else tonight, we somehow always end up back here. These are the people in Lan Kwai Fong – always.
1. The phalanx of financiers
Even if you manage to pierce the impenetrable wall of suits, then you’ll have a miasma of overly strong expensive perfume and impenetrable banker bizspeak to deal with. Of all the people in Lan Kwai Fong, they may be the worst.
2. The baby
What are you doing here? Isn’t it past your bedtime? No matter how much effort you put into dressing up, you’re clearly too young to drink. Stay in school.
3. The stilt-walkers
As judgmental as you might be about these girls’ too bright, too tight dresses, you have to admit that they’ve turned walking drunkenly in heels into an art. How they haven’t faceplanted straight onto that steep SoHo hill is beyond you.
4. The selfie star
You swear to god these people haven’t put down their phones once since walking in. Have they even touched their drinks? Club, private photo booth, what’s the difference?
5. The overambitious coordinator
Another crew with their phones in their hands all night, but this time it’s because they’re somehow managing to keep track of everyone in your friend group’s movements throughout the entire night. “Chad and friends are on Wyndham Street– oh, Shelly is taking an Uber over right now! Maybe we can meet her at the bar across the street.” Or maybe we could just stay right here.
6. The cheerleader
Wow, this person is excited. Is the World Cup playing on the TV? Are they a huge fan of the DJ that’s playing tonight? Or do they just really like yelling? Whatever it is, you’re just gonna… gently push them into one of the many bars playing live music so they can cheer and dance with the rest of the audience.
From our Daily Grind series.