Dear Lulu Jeh: My husband is an amazing guy. I love him more every day. But I have a longtime best friend, who is also a man, whom I enjoy spending time with. My husband sometimes acts hurt, or jealous I guess, when I hang out with my friend.
Let me say straight up there is ZERO reason to be jealous and this friendship is and always will be platonic, but it’s still an important part of my life. — Wifey for Lifey
Dear WFL: There doesn’t have to be romantic connection to spark jealousy. Your husband wants to feel like the No. 1 guy in your life, and perhaps his insecurities are leading him to act out or resent the other special relationship in your life. A certain amount of jealousy is pretty normal, but it is a sign that you might need to take stock in how much time you are really spending with your friend.
I’m assuming you’ve already communicated the nature of this relationship to your husband — this is not a new friend, so he knows your platonic history, how he’s like your brother, etc, etc. So there must be another issue at play here. Are you ditching your hubby all the time to have drinks with BFF? Do you always invite your BFF to go shopping/hiking/eating out with the two of you? Do you turn to your BFF for advice or ideas instead of your hubby?
Are you alienating your husband with all your lifelong inside jokes? Or all those memories from high school that he can’t relate to? That’d be excruciating for anyone! It’s perfectly healthy to have meaningful relationships outside of your immediate family, but being sensitive to your husband’s feelings is equally important.
I’m not saying to toss your friend, but be considerate of how your constant Whatsapping might affect your husband and do your part to make him feel special from time to time, by making your own private memories.
After all, you did choose to marry him, and not your bestie, though with any luck you’ll have both of these important guys in your life forever. – Lulu
Have a question for Lulu Jeh? Write to firstname.lastname@example.org for some anonymous dating advice.