Dear Lulu Jeh: After six years together, my girlfriend and I called time on our relationship three months ago. I’ve heard on the grapevine that she is already in a pretty serious relationship with someone new, and talking about moving in with them. I feel devastated by this. I feel like she’s moved on too quickly, and I don’t understand it. One of the main reasons for our breakup was that she didn’t feel ready to settle down. So how could she possibly be getting that serious with someone else already? — Not Moving On
Dear NMO, stop right there. Your ex is your ex for a reason — you broke up, and now you no longer owe each other any explanations. There’s nothing saying she’s moved on too quickly. If she feels ready to find somebody new, that’s entirely her decision.
Having said that, I understand there is a level of bitterness — and perhaps even jealousy — involved when your former partner finds someone new. You need to understand that not every relationship is the same. It might be hard to hear, but in all likelihood, the two of you just weren’t right for each other.
Commitment is a complicated thing. Sometimes people find someone who they are really fond of, but they don’t necessarily want to settle down with that person in the long run — whether it be timing, or that they are simply not in the right frame of mind. In any case, only the two of you will really truly know what happened, so there’s no point for a third party (even a dating expert like me) to speculate. All you can do now is leave what you have behind and move on, too. And who knows? Maybe your next relationship is just around the corner.
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