Dear Lulu Jeh: I started seeing a new guy not long ago, and got to meet his friends recently at a rooftop party thrown by a co-worker of his. She was perfectly nice to me, but I noticed that she was also all over him.
After the party, I thought about the situation for some time. It was obvious that she was really into him, but I wasn’t sure if our relationship is mature enough yet for me to bring it up in a discussion. However, I’d recently heard that she’s been texting him nudes of herself! Is it time to talk about this with him? — Wannabe Main Chick
Dear WMC: It’s always nice to meet a new partner’s friends. It makes the relationship feel more concrete and more real, no matter what stage it’s at.
But you also have to be careful not to jump the gun. Before we dive into the Wannabe Side Chick and her nudes, let’s first break down what you have with this guy.
Here are a few things to think about. How long have you been together? Are either of you seeing other people? Have you had “the talk,” and if not, are you planning on it soon? Do you see a future together?
Unfortunately, in the Hong Kong dating scene, you’ll find that many seem unwilling to commit — at least not shortly after two people begin dating. The transience of the city doesn’t help, either. I’m sure you know this already. The first thing you need to do is figure out where you guys actually are before having a discussion about other people.
Now, onto the WSC. That can’t feel good, knowing that another person is all over someone you’re into and even sending them sexually suggestive photos of themselves. But first: Do you know where the rumor is coming from? Do you have any proof?
And next, the important part: Do you trust your man? Do you know what he would do in a situation like this?
Relationships are about two people committing to each other. Even when temptation is everywhere, the crucial thing is how someone chooses to reacts to it.
I’m not saying it’s okay for the WSC to send him nudes — how trashy! — but you need to establish where things are with him before making your next move.
Have a question for Lulu Jeh? Write to firstname.lastname@example.org for some anonymous dating advice.
Want more dating advice? Read more of Lulu Jeh’s sage advice.