Dear Lulu Jeh: I started seeing someone recently. But I find it hard to deal with the fact that she smokes. I tried talking to her about this, and she all she did was reiterate how much she cares about me, how she would try to quit — all that jazz. But she’s still lighting up. It seems like it’ll be a hard habit for her to break. I’m still seeing her, but I know deep down that smoking is really something of a deal breaker for me. Should I proceed with caution, or abandon ship because of this bad habit? — Thank You for Not Smoking
Dear TYNS, we all have deal breakers. So I think it’s totally understandable that you don’t like your partner to light up.
How much do you like her? You shouldn’t stay with her with the expectation that she’ll eventually change for you. Especially because right now you’re continuing to date her.
If you’re happy to continue seeing her as things stand, then you have to be prepared for the fact that she might not quit for you.
This is because she is already getting what she wants — essentially, a relationship — without having to give up her bad habit. So where’s the motivation for her to quit?
But if you see this going somewhere, then unfortunately, you will need to give her an ultimatum: it’s either smoking, or you.
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