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By Lulu Jeh | September 30th, 2019

Dear Lulu Jeh: I’m going through a period of major setbacks at work, so I’m not really interested in being in a relationship right now. There’s someone on the horizon who I’m kind of interested in, though. I’m worried about whether I have enough time to devote to a relationship at this point in time. Can I be honest with this person or should I just stop contact? — Busy Bee

Dear BB, good job for knowing what you want. It’s important to listen to your feelings and you shouldn’t feel pressured into getting into anything — whether it be romantic relationships or professional contracts.

Having said that, it might be worth examining why you feel like you need to choose between solving work-related issues and starting a relationship — are the two items mutually exclusive for you in general, or for this situation in particular? And if it’s this current work situation that’s causing you to withdraw from other facets of your life, perhaps you can see whether these other facets of life might in fact benefit and help you to heal from said work situation rather than hinder it? A relationship might actually take your mind off of the negative rather than make things worse, for example. You could be right to be so laser-focused (and I applaud you for your determination) — but I don’t think it hurts to think a bit more deeply about your current predicament. 

Whatever you do, please don’t ghost your contact! That is not a healthy way of handling your personal relationships. Yes, be honest and upfront with them, and if need be, let them know you’re not in the right headspace at this very moment. There’s nothing wrong with putting yourself first.

Have a question for Lulu Jeh? Write to letters@theloophk.com for some anonymous dating advice.
Want more dating advice? Read more of Lulu Jeh’s sage advice.