Dear Lulu: How can I convince my girlfriend to marry me? I have proposed to her twice already and each time, she said she needs to “think about it.” We have been together for two years. Her response is making me think she’s not really ready to go down this road. — Putting a Ring on it

Dear PROI: Given that her responses weren’t outright rejections, it’s fair to actually give her some time to think about what is a lifelong — and life-changing — decision.

On that note, however, have you had a conversation with your girlfriend about your future?

If you’re not on the same page about marriage, then you might have a problem on your hands. Does she have the same beliefs as you when it comes to lifelong companionship and all the other things that usually come with it: like children and home-buying? Has she given you any indication about how she envisions her future — and how you figure in it? 

It’s fair for you to want more information from her, but rather than chase her for the answer, perhaps the more efficient way would be to ask her to clarify what indeed she is thinking about: Is she wondering whether you’re the right partner for life? Or is she asking herself whether she’s ready for longterm commitment? If she can shed some light on the “what”, I think you’ll be able much more able to guess whether her answer to your proposal will be a “yes” or a “no” as well.

The bottom line is the same as what I’ve always said to other readers: you need to communicate with your partner on important issues like these.

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