Dear Lulu Jeh: I thought things were looking promising with a guy, until he suddenly vanished without a trace after our third date. It was a proper ghosting. A few months later, I heard that he moved to the US. This isn’t the first time this has happened to me in Hong Kong. Do you think there might have been something I did to repel people after going on a few dates? Am I the problem? — Ghost Dates Killah
Dear GDK: That sucks! I’m sorry to hear that people seem to keep ghosting after you leave. It’s never okay to end a personal relationship with someone by ceasing all contact, and I can only imagine that being at the receiving end of that feels a bit crappy.
It can be difficult to pinpoint why people ghost. Maybe they’re just not that into you, and they’re too weak to have the courage to end it properly. And to be fair, sometimes people feel that taking an exit after a couple of dates simply doesn’t warrant an explanation. It’s probably hard to hear that, but that’s what you have to accept.
As for whether you’re doing something to repel people — I doubt it. After all, Hong Kong is a transient place. So many people don’t plan on staying here forever, and unfortunately that is something that can have a major impact on the city’s dating scene. That is something we all have to accept.
Move on. Find someone new. You are better than a person who doesn’t even have the courtesy to drop you a line when they peace out.
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