Ask Lulu Jeh: How do I know when we’re actually dating?

Dear Lulu Jeh: I have been intimate with a guy for almost a year now and our “situation-ship” remains undefined, although we are spending more and more time together and we talk every day. How do I know when we’re actually dating? Or still just screwing? — Serial Singleton

Hi SS: This scenario is one that’s often encountered by 20- and 30-somethings in the modern dating world, where bizarrely, we have casual sex with those whom we don’t consider having a future with — but hold out when we meet someone “special” for fear of ruining what we have by jumping in the sack too quickly. Ask yourself these questions:

Did you begin the courtship from a romantic angle or as a no-strings-attached affair? Are you seeing other people? Are you both comfortable with sleepovers, or is one of you running out the door the minute it’s over? Are you hanging out outside of the bedroom? Finally: do you enjoy each other’s company?

An important thing to remember is that if two people are not on the same page in any relationship, then somewhere down the line, someone is going to get hurt. Ultimately, you can read into the situation any way you want, but the rule of thumb is: unless you sit down and discuss what you are — don’t assume that you are dating. — Lulu