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By Lulu Jeh | December 30th, 2015

Dear Lulu Jeh: My boyfriend proposed, I said yes, but I HATE the ring. Does it mean anything about our relationship? Does it mean he doesn’t know me at all? Should I say something, or just suck it up? — Ring of Confusion

If you really had your mind set on something in particular, Ring of Confusion, then it’s natural to be a little underwhelmed by something that doesn’t fit your personality. Are you still thrilled to be getting married? Is the ring the only thing that’s giving you the shivers?

Assuming that you’re still on board regardless of the ring, then your heart is in the right place. And sounds like so is his. On one hand, bringing it up could make you feel totally spoiled and ungrateful… but on the other hand, he likely spent a good chunk of money on it and wants you to be happy.

Let’s get into the details: what do you hate about the ring? Is it the rock or just the setting? If it’s the setting, that’s a pretty easy fix: gently ‘fess up to your man, and if he didn’t customize his purchase, there’s a chance you can get an exchange straight from the source. If no changes or refunds are allowed, bring him to a local jeweler that can make a new setting from scratch.

Some jewelers also offer to buy your original setting at a discount, if you really hate it that much. The cost of the setting is usually a fraction of the cost of the rock, so hopefully you won’t run into any budgeting dramas there. Your man might feel a bit offended, but what’s a little face-losing for a lifetime of happiness?

If you’re not happy with the rock — assuming there is one — there’s a lot more at stake. Are you hating on the shape, the color, the cut? Because different shapes and cuts can result in wildly varying prices. Do some research on your own, and see if what you’ve got on your finger and what you truly want is a big discrepancy in cost.

Have an honest assessment of your fiance’s character and financial situation and see whether he’ll mind coughing up more for an upgrade or a swap, or are okay with you chipping in to fund your piece. Beware that if it’s a customized stone, you might be hit with severe penalties or not even allowed to refund, meaning you effectively need to purchase a new gem.

If you’re not happy with the size of the rock: to put it bluntly, you’re actually not happy about your fiance’s financial philosophy. And you guys will definitely have bigger issues to deal with than this ring fiasco, so you might want to reconsider your answer. — Lulu

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