How Do I Know if My Feelings are Reciprocated?

Dear Lulu Jeh: I’m crushing hard on this guy but I don’t think it’s reciprocated. How do I know for sure if I have a chance with him? Or I should just move on? — Unrequited Romantic

Well, UR, there are always telltale signs that someone is ‘into you’ or… not. If you’re not feeling a reciprocal connection then you can usually trust your instincts. But I understand sometimes it’s tricky to tell, especially if you’re dealing with a shy guy. To help paint a clear picture, let’s play a little game. Ask yourself a few questions and tally up the answers.

Does he hang around to talk with you when you cross paths? 

• No, he usually shuffles to talk to his friends = 0 points
• Well there was one time… = 1 point
• Yeah, he has canceled a dinner before to chat longer. = 2 points

Does he initiate plans with you (outside the hours of 1-5am)?

• No, but I do often hear from him at 1am. = 0 points
• Yeah, but never just one-on-one. = 1 point
• Yep, he took me to dinner last week. = 2 points

Does he flirt with you… and only you? 

• I don’t think I’d call it ‘flirting.’ But one time he asked me to pass the salt. = 0 points
• Maybe? He is really outgoing and friendly, so it’s kind of hard to tell. = 1 point
• I haven’t noticed him flirting to other guys/gals since we had our first drink… = 2 points

Does he regularly flake on you? 

• Three out of the last four times… yes. = 0 points
• Yeah, but that’s just Hong Kong right? = 1 point
• He did flake one time, but suggested dinner the next day instead. = 2 points

Does he make eye contact when talking, and position his body towards yours?

• He kinda looks around the room when I talk. = 0 points
• He usually does this lean on the bar thing, but not sure it’s only with me. = 1 point
• Yeah, now that I think of it, our knees are usually touching when we’re at the bar. = 2 points

Does he regularly make moves, ahem, physically?

• Does asking me to borrow some money count? = 0 points
• We’ve haven’t gotten that far yet. But I *think* I feel some sexual tension accumulating. = 1 point
• I made the first move, but he made the second and third. = 2 points

Okay, now go ahead and tally it up. If you have 6-12 points, then there’s a chance he’s into you. If you’ve got 0-6, I think it’s a one-way street. — Lulu

Have a question for Lulu Jeh? Write to letters@theloophk.com for some anonymous dating advice.