All Tea No Shade with Andrea Lo.
There’s a lot of pressure on young people in their late 20s to couple up — and I’m always on the receiving end of unsolicited advice on why I’m single.
This article perfectly illustrates the expectations Hong Kong women are under when it comes to relationships — as well as the stereotypes we’re subjected to.
“You’re looking in the wrong places,” people say. “You go out with the wrong type of people.”
“Your lifestyle is not conducive to finding a man,” says a family member, at every single dinner. “You’re working too hard and not spending enough time on future marriage prospects.”
“You are just not putting yourself out there.”
I’ve read The Secret by Rhonda Byrne (“set up an ‘altar of want’ in the home”), The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider (“hardly ever return his calls”)… and even Jenna Jameson’s How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, in an attempt to become some kind of covetable goddess — like a next-level version of the girls on Instagram who do upside down yoga poses in activewear or effortlessly float in an infinity pool on a tropical island (so maybe social media is to blame, too.)
If we’re alone, we’re made to feel we’ve done something wrong.
But now, slowly but surely, I’m coming to terms with the fact that none of it really matters.
Trying to do ridiculous things because “dating experts” say that’s how you should conduct yourself gives everything an artificial layer — and maybe that’s why I’m single.
Forcing myself to meet people, or behave in a certain way just so the guy I’m with doesn’t disappear into thin air after three dates; take me out then spend the entire evening talking about himself; surprise me with a whirlwind staycation one weekend then ignore me when he sees me in public the next; or refuse to commit to a relationship yet tell me I’m marriage material — is making me realize how inauthentic it all is.
What matters, in finding a partner, is staying true to yourself, and also not lowering your standards.
I don’t believe in manipulating reality just to get a date. I don’t always do things by the books all the time. I enjoy spending time working on my career — so don’t discredit my hustle — and I’m tired of feeling this way because I’m not actively looking for anyone to date.
If I was going to be forced to change myself and how I act just to “find a man,” then I’d rather just stay single.
Because why should I pretend to be someone I’m not just for the sake of settling down?
Love it? Hate it? Tell Andrea all about it: firstname.lastname@example.org.