Dear Lulu Jeh: Things are getting rocky in my relationship. I have been dating the same guy for a year and we still haven’t met each other’s families — I’m from the US and his parents live out in Fanling.
I’ve offered to make the trip out to meet his mom, but he doesn’t seem overly concerned. Whereas, my parents are coming to visit Hong Kong next month and I want them all to meet. He says he’s not ready to take that step, but if not now, when? — All in the Family
Ouch, AITF. That does sting — especially in a place like Hong Kong, where family traditions are so ingrained in culture. But, every family is different, and it’s possible that your man just doesn’t feel the same urgency that you do. Everyone moves at a different pace — although this guy is inching along like a total snail.
There are several possibilities: maybe he is protecting you from a judgmental monster of a mom? Perhaps he had a scary meet-the-parents experience in a previous relationship? Or maybe he assumes he’ll have to debate politics with your gun-toting Republican father? Or, maybe, he really just isn’t ready.
If he takes a raincheck, is that a red flag? That’s up to you. Could be, but before jumping to conclusions about his commitment, have a thoughtful conversation about what “meeting the parents” means to you, and what signals he is sending.
The two of you should be able to find a middle ground: a dinner here or a beer there shouldn’t kill the guy. Compromise is what relationships are all about, right? — Lulu
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