Dear Lulu Jeh: I’ve been dating the same guy for five years, ever since uni abroad, and I really want to get married. We have talked about our future together and are both fully committed. I don’t want to rush him, but at the same time, if we’re both on the same page then what the hell is he waiting for? I don’t want to be an old-ass bride! — Marital Matters
Setting your obvious age issues aside, MM, let’s get to the heart of the issue. Where is all this wedding fever coming from in the first place? Is it really because you are so eager to plan an entire wedding, talk to 300 people you hardly know, spend a TON of money, and pose for photos ’til your face feels like it’s falling off?
Or is it your nausea-inducing Facebook feed, inundated with engagement photos, honeymooners and clever baby announcements? Or maybe it’s your mom, calling you every week for a status update. These days it’s not just about pleasing your folks — you have to go through all the public motions.
What really matters is that you are open and honest with each other. If you are comfortable talking about your future together and planning a life, then you’re doing it right. Try talking with your partner about these feelings and sorting through what’s real, and what’s just serious FOMO. Who knows — maybe he’s just oblivious that you’re ready to take the next step, like… now.
And if you really want to get married, then why don’t you pop the question? Why wait on him to make the move? There’s no reason to stick yourself into traditional gender roles. If you want to be with this guy the rest of your life, ask away!
But in any case, if you want my advice, take a step back and stop rushing through the motions. After all, most marriages end in divorce anyway: so just enjoy each other’s company while you still like each other. — Lulu
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