Ask Lulu Jeh: My family says I should stop working and find a partner

Dear Lulu Jeh: My family says that I am spending too much time on my career and that the only way I will ever find a man is if I take a step back from my work, and focus on “husband-hunting.” I disagree with this, but I am in my 30s now — and I seem to hear passive aggressive comments about my single status day in, day out. What do you think is the best way to deal with this? — Single and Doing Fine

Dear SDF: You shouldn’t feel pressured to be with someone or to get married in the first place, let alone put something you’re passionate about second (assuming, from what you have said, that your work is something you very much enjoy doing).

Of course, this is probably something you already know, and to hear it from me, an advice columnist, might just sound like lip service. I am going to venture a guess that your family are pretty traditional. If this is the case, there is no better way to deal with this than to simply smile and nod — or you could tell them that this is something that you are “working on.”

Unfortunately, things have changed so much in just one generation’s time that it can be difficult for elderly relatives to comprehend that marriage is not always a priority for everyone in their 30s, or beyond. And as we all know, it is hard for old people to change their ways. I wish I could tell you that this is something you can talk through, but to argue would be unwise, because it would set off an argument that has no real “solution.”

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