Dear Lulu Jeh: My best friend got into a relationship recently. His new boyfriend is really controlling, and insists on coming along whenever we just want to hang out and catch up. My friend has pretty much disappeared since — I rarely hear from him now via text messages or social media. This would all be fine if my friend is happy, except that I get the feeling he’s not. Should I just stay out of it? — Annoyed Friend
Dear AF, you have to remember that this is your friend’s relationship — not yours.
Whether or not your friend is happy in the relationship is up to him to deal with. You can’t make this problem your own, unless he has specifically asked for your input.
You might feel sad about not seeing or hearing from your friend as often, but it is fairly normal for people to spend most of their free time with their new partner.
If your friend’s boyfriend wants to come along to your hangouts, why not have him come along and see how it goes? You never know — you could end up forging a friendship with him, too. After all, you both enjoy your friend’s company — so you already have one thing in common.
Say you really can’t stomach the thought of hanging out with the boyfriend — this is something should bring this up with your friend. Tell him that you value spending alone time with him, and that you would really appreciate hanging out one-on-one.
If your friend can’t spare an hour every few weeks just to grab a coffee — then maybe he doesn’t value the friendship as much as you do.
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